1 The relational theory of Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt
Developed in the 1980s by couples therapists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago therapy begins with the premise that we unconsciously choose a romantic partner who combines the positive and negative traits of our earliest parental attachment figures. The marital crisis that inevitably follows the honeymoon phase is an unconscious attempt to heal unresolved early emotional wounds.
2 The Imago Dialogue protocol in three sacred steps
At the heart of the practice is a highly codified face-to-face exchange: 1. Mirroring: one partner shares their feelings, and the other restates exactly what they heard without interpretation or judgement, such as 'If I have understood correctly, you feel that... Is that right? Is there more?'. 2. Validation: the receiving partner acknowledges the other's logic, such as 'What you are saying makes sense to me because...'. 3. Empathy: they connect with the emotion experienced, such as 'I imagine you must have felt sad or isolated'.
3 Creating a sacred space between partners
Imago Dialogue neutralises impulsive defensive reactions to create what its authors call a 'sacred space' of relational safety. Each person can finally show vulnerability without fearing interruption, rejection or ridicule by the person they love.
4 The place of this approach within care
This approach radically transforms the meaning of conflict: an argument is no longer a sign of dying love, but a warning that an inner healing is seeking to occur. The couple becomes a living space of growth and restorative tenderness.
5 A transformed perspective and everyday relational safety
Practised regularly, Imago Dialogue becomes second nature within the couple. Partners learn to see, behind the other's reproaches, the wounded child seeking reassurance, making their union a sanctuary of love and shared growth.